So, you’re buying a bed together. Whether you’re moving in together for the first time or you’ve been together forever, choosing a bed as a couple can be a big step forward in your relationship. It can also be a point of contention, especially if one of you ends up unhappy with the mattress you choose. In order to choose the best bed for both of you (and keep your relationship intact!), make sure you consider the following things before you buy.


Communication is important across the board in relationships, and it’s no different when you’re buying a bed together. Before you even look at new mattresses, here’s the talk you need to have.

Talk about:

  • How you sleep. Side sleepers, back sleepers, and stomach sleepers will all have different mattress needs. If you both sleep the same way, it will be easier to choose a bed that will work for both of you. If you sleep differently, though, it will change what you’re looking for in a mattress. In general, side sleepers need softer mattresses than those who sleep on their backs or their stomachs.
  • Support preferences. Do either of you have back pain or problems? If you do, you’ll need to be sure that whatever mattress you get offers the right type of spinal support for that person. You may even want to have one partner examine the other’s spine when you’re trying out beds, to make sure everything is lined up properly.
  • Firmness preferences. Do you like beds that feel soft or ones that feel firm? Both can offer good support, but it’s important to know if you will both be able to be happy with the same firmness or if you will need a mattress where you can each adjust the firmness as you desire.
  • Temperature preferences. Some people like to sleep hot and others like to sleep cold. Memory foam and some latex beds are known for holding heat, while hybrid mattresses and ones with springs are known for being cooler. Since you both have to be comfortable in the bed, getting the right temperature will be important.
  • Responsiveness preferences. A responsive mattress adjusts quickly to your body when you move on it. This is important not only for sleep but also for sex. Since you will likely do both things together in your new bed, it’s key to talk about how important responsiveness is for both of you and whether you’d rather have a responsive bed over one of a particular firmness or temperature.

Research Mattresses Together



When you look into different mattress options, try to do it together. This means that you will get the same information at the same time. It also means that you will have a chance to ask questions, both of each other and of any sales rep or another person you’re consulting with. It gives you a chance to digest the data together, to have a better chance at agreeing on the beds you’re interested in.

Choose the Best Size for You

Picking a mattress size depends on how much space you need to sleep and on how large the room is that you’re sleeping in. The key is usually to get as much bed as you can without making your space feel or look too small. You will want to make sure that you have access to things like dressers, nightstands, and closet doors. You may also want to consider the size of your current headboard or bed stand. If you don’t want to buy a new one, stick with the same size mattress!

Consider Your Price Range



It’s important to know how much you want to spend before you start shopping. This helps you eliminate some beds altogether and avoid arguing about it later. Mattresses range in price from a few hundred dollars to tens of thousands of dollars. You will probably want to choose something in between. You can usually get a high-quality mattress that will last you at least 7 years for $600-$2000. It’s likely you don’t want to spend less than that, as the quality goes down sharply and your mattress may give out sooner than you want it to.

Test Beds Together

When you’re ready to try some beds, you have several options. You can go to a mattress store and lay on them. Be sure to spend 10-20 minutes on each one to really get a feel for it. You can also try beds at your home. Most mattresses these days have extended trial periods, so you can actually sleep on the bed for a month or so and then decide whether you want to keep it. Going to a store can be a good way to eliminate some options. Then, start with your most likely candidate and try it at home.

Buying a bed doesn’t have to ruin your relationship, and it doesn’t have to be stressful. Communicate, research, and test mattresses together until you find one that works for both of you.

by: Sarah Winfrey